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I made the decision to place my 3.5 year old daughter in KTAP Swim School based on the reviews I came across. I found the reviews to be very polarized, and got the sense that "you either love Kathie or you don't." I was assured that if I had a “tough” kid who “loved water” and wasn’t “hyper-sensitive” that he/she would be fine. I was told that Kathie was "old school" and practiced "tough love" with a promised result of having a competent swimmer by the end.
So I allowed myself to be swayed by the reviews and the promise of a confident swimmer. As I watched a full session of lessons from poolside, I found myself continuously suppressing feelings of uneasiness around the “old school” methods of teaching. The approach was stern (which was totally fine) but also peppered with some good 'ole shaming-- “I’ve got two year olds who can do this”--and mean spirited comments or eye rolls from Kathie. But it seemed okay, because my kid was tough, strong and very clear with her boundaries.
For whatever reason, three weeks ago my daughter became stressed when doing the jumps off the side of the pool and during the teacher guided “dives for rings." Diving for rings means Kathie's hand is on the back of your child's head as she pushes them underneath the water and they grab a ring. Both tasks occur in the last five minutes of class. For my child, she now dreaded these moments but I encouraged her to participate and at the very least, try to stay in the pool with the others.
For the record, I'm on board with the fact that kids need to learn to deal with discomfort, disappointment, and challenges. I don't just let them "quit" when it's hard. I sometimes need to remind myself not to rescue them, to allow them to struggle and ultimately build resilience.
But whether you're a fan of tough love or not, I ASSURE you that when your child is crying and saying "no" you will feel things. When the choice is made to push the head of your crying child under water and yell at them in the spirit of "continuing on with the lesson" you will feel things. The other kids watching will feel things. The other parents will squirm in their chairs.
As you watch your crying child try to climb out of the pool only to have their legs pulled down by their teacher, dragging them back into the pool, not once, but twice, I ASSURE you that you will recognize that we have moved well beyond any reasonable definition of tough love.
To have a tired, overworked and visibly frustrated teacher navigating five 3 year old's must be incredibly challenging. I don't believe Kathie to be a bad person. Her son, CJ, is wonderful. But what happened this week to my child was inappropriate and unacceptable. To have a clearly frustrated teacher be in charge of a child in a vulnerable position is painful to see. But to watch the teacher make aggressively poor judgment calls in the spirit of tough love is terrifying. My feelings were corroborated by many of the other adults who witnessed this scene.
Your kid might be able to tow the line and Kathie might never say a mean comment toward them. You may have a wonderful experience there, and I think that's great. I truly hope that is the case for your child. Or, you could experience what my child did. Never underestimate the importance of trusting your instincts and advocating for your child. At the end of the day, we will all hopefully have competent swimmers and share the same lakes. The question is: what are you comfortable with in regards to the path you take to get there?
